at the moment, i'm sitting on annalise's futon in brooklyn (sigh. brooklyn. i wub you.). she got her bachelor's in the designing of fashions this morning in one fantastic clusterf*#@ of a graduation. annie liebowitz was the guest speaker, so that was something, except that she was almost as bad at speakering as she is good at photographering. it was in radio city music hall, which was neat inside, but we didn't need to sit there for nearly 3 hours to take it all in. however, annalise graduated and will presumably get a diploma in the mail soon, so yay! and we celebrated at this fantastic spanish place in chelsea and have a ton of leftover paella in the fridge. at any rate, yes, blog, i have a master's degree. and yes, blog, that means i will continue to babysit two days a week and soulpancake my lil' heart out for some more days and probably never actually find a job to make this degree qualify as useful. so if you haven't heard already, i am to be addressed henceforth as 'master' because i'm determined to get something out of it. and now, for your viewing pleasure, hayley as master's graduate:

master's in english? she can't even speak english!

graduatin' is tiring.

oh, and also, my first feature piece went up on soulpancake today. yay.

i try to console myself with the fact that the reading list for the children's lit class is so much fun it's stupid and that the other two people in the class with me, are in fact, intelligent women. the actual class time itself is unfortunately painful, because the professor likes to talk. a lot. a LOT. we have to interupt, often futilely, to get a syllable in edgewise. she's also one of those people who gets so excited when she's talking about this stuff (which she's excited about and really into, hence the talk-at-thons) that she loses CONTROL of the voLUME of heR VOICE, which is especially ear-tiring because there are only four of us, so we're usually pretty close together. and i've found that i just stop listening to her, which proves tricky on those rare moments she asks what we think, though not that tricky, since one of us only has to say a phrase or two for her to take off on that point. but, again, the reading list makes it kind of like cheating, and i need some sort of happy feeling about school, so i'm super-gluing a mental smile on my brain about that one. but seriously, i'm just ready for it to be done already. i have the senior-itis, as the kids say. i'm really eager to get on to um, unemployment and student loan repayment. yeah!

k. i suppose since the little one is napping i should read a book or something. for my stupid literacy writing & identity class. i have hopes for this one though, it actually looks interesting. fingers crossed. oh, and HAPPY BASKETBALL TIME!!

my need to get out manifests itself every so often in an intense desire to at least go somewhere, anywhere, even for a weekend, which is about where i'm at now. it's like cabin fever, but it's location fever on top of it. i just get unsettled, physically, mentally, everything-else-ally. i lose focus easily and often wonder if my skin is actually thick enough to contain all the chaos of my innards. the only way i can think to describe it is the feeling you get if you drink about a gallon of espresso on an empty stomach: jittery, a little nauseated, bug-eyed and like you must run around waving your arms and screaming "AAAAAAAAAARRRGH!" i think the fact that last week i turned in my graduate portfolio and my last french assignment and this week is spring break has given me a breather, time to think about the inevitable "next," and i gotta say, i don't see anything. i think this is largely job-hunt related, as nashville really isn't the best of places to find a job writering much of anything (especially not now), let alone something i'd want to do. it's all complicated by the fact that my current employment situation could end at any point really, if the spot at daycare opens, but how likely is that? and since there's a bit more to it than just a 'typical nanny job' or whatever, i'll feel really bad if i quit. but i don't want to go back to the 50-hour a week schedule i had this summer, if that's even an option. either way, i don't relish the thought of adding any more 10-hour days to the two i'm doing now. and i need to get a real job somewhere so i can finally stop being such a deadbeat wife, and if this were any other job, i'd have no qualms about quitting. of course, the likelihood of finding a job at this point is pretty slim, so who knows. argh. i'm just jumbled and my skin is too tight, so i whine on my blog about my poor hard life with my nice house and my abundance of food and love and general spoiledness, then i want to kill myself for being such an ungrateful jackass. see? it really is hard being me.

at any rate, as winter seems to have finally left for good (huzzah!) and the days get longer, school is winding down and it feels like something should be about to happen, or i should know something or have some idea of how life will look in june. it should be hopeful, brightly colored, new, this Future that should be springing. all these thoughts are bouncing around, nudging and poking, i can see green and flowers and still i'm waiting for the last thaw; i'm still wintery and cold, gray and immobile and i dont like it. i'm ready for spring dammit! or at least a chance to flee nashville for a minute. i know the latter ain't happening any time soon, so i'll keep praying for the first. and i suppose i'll twitch my way through the spring, because there's nothing else to do. then we'll go to new york in may, and that might last me for a little bit, until the summer beach twitch takes over.

on a happier (and certain to be mucho beneficial for my brain and my skin) is that the weather saturday was awesome and i got to play outside and then sit outside and drink a beer and everything (actually, i got to sit outside and drink TASTY beers friday night too. if you haven't been for food, the chef at rumours east is AMAZING; haven't had grub that good in a while. and yes, i went to a wine bar and drank beer, delicious high-alc dark yummy beer). ben, hayley, buckley and i went to edwin warner park and walked the short trail behind the nature center. it was so so so very wonderful, and the dogs enjoyed playing in the creek and meeting other dogs and generally running around and sniffing and peeing on as much as possible. more of than needs to happen. a lot. well, maybe less of the peeing every 3 feet, but you know what i mean.

i also learned that one should not use a neti pot if one intends to leave the home in the two-hour period that follows. or one should at least be smart enough not to bow one's head for prayers at church immediately following neti potting.

truthfully, i know i'm overthinking it. in the grand scheme of things, it barely matters. this "class" is pass/fail. passing is contingent upon me turning in what i'm supposed to and producing eloquent and seemingly intelligent bs answers for my exam. still. due to my nerdy perfectionist nature, i would prefer that it did not suck. or sound overwrought, or pretentious, or obnoxious, or obsequious, or palin-esque. i could probably keep that list going for a while, so i'll stop now. i should just find a span of time to sit down and actually try to write something and then see what happens. that's a very basic and integral part of my particular writing process. i can do all the "planning" in the world, but until i sit down to actually compose something, i have no idea what it will look like. but me being me, i have to first feel like i have a "plan" to even get myself to the point of an actual honest attempt at construction. i know, you're probably thinking, "that doesn't even make any sense, and she must be aware since she just typed it out there." of course i'm aware! i'm actually pretty cognizant of all of my crazy, but that doesn't mean i can just skip parts of it. processes, people. processes. it's tough being me.

slanket!

i got a slanket! it is decidedly yay. after much mocking (by ben), begging and pitiful faces (by me), i can now be warm and have the use of my arms. that picture up there was taken just now with the photo booth, right now i'm typing - all with warm arms! and for the record, it's a SLANKET,  not one of those crappy, feels like sandpaper felt snuggies. my warm fuzzy slanket can kick your snuggie's ass. and it's also good to have so that we can turn the heat down a little more, what with having to pay exhorbitant amounts of money to clean up the TVA's messes. way to go schmucks.

if only i and my warm arms cared even a little about this dumb literacy / identity w-ever-tf it is class. gah. i have to make myself do the reading, and have just realized that i don't even really read it apparently, as i was going back over the essays to write my stupid notes or thoughts or whatever paper for tonight and stumbled upon several parts unfamiliar. good thing it all says basically the same thing. the same thing that the ones last week said. plbt! however, i must finish it so i can get to reading m' fairy tales (yay!) because i need to get those mostly done tonight. the french exam finally showedup yesterday afternoon, so i'm going to take it tomorrow at the much more reasonable hour of two. however, that means those three hours are no longer available for reading before class tomorrow night. so really, i should finish that stupid paper for tonight and get to it. too bad my inner monologue sounds like a 4 year old. and i feel blech, the aftermath of a weekend of unholy assault on my digestive tract and lack of sleep-catch-up-oning. i was awakened at about 4 yesterday morning with horrible-food-and-too-much-alcohol's revenge. today i felt fine when i woke up, but now i seem to have a general feeling of blech. bah.

ok. enough whining. maybe.

anyhoo, i read some stuff in english and vacuumed the house, because a few people are coming over tonight to watch special dead. which i hope is as wrongly hilarious as my friend tricia (who gave it to me) claims. i'm pretty freaking excited. and before that we shall have the lovely margaritas and diablo sauce smothered yums at la terrazza. if you live in nashville, it's the best mexican in town, fo' reals. they have an actual grill in the back, non of that griddle-top crap. it's not the one on nolensville; it's in nashboro village actually, but so worth the trip from wherever you are. YUM. and on that note, i should probably fold that pile of laundry over there what with the peoples coming over and all. plus that's a good excuse to not read ANOTHER boring bloody essay about literacy. UG. that stupid class better get better. or at least the crap we have to read better get better. or at least more diverse! bah. anyway, laundry...

the whole sickly thing ruined my weekend, the two days preceding it, and parts of this week as well. i was completely useless thursday and friday, which was truly unfornate as those days were scheduled for house-cleaning (it's so gross!), cavity-filling, bang trimming and even some french studying. so i had to push the dentist till this thursday, my long-overdue bang trim was rescheduled for this friday at 7:45. (i'm gonna have a raucous friday night, i can tell). at this point, i really should just wait until next week and get a haircut, but those is expensive and time-consuming. no houses were cleaned, no frenches were translated. saturday i was slightly less useless, but didn't do anything, including go over to keith & larry's to watch the titans debacle and then have game night. i missed game night! wah! ben went and reported that it was fun (stupid football aside) and that the new cranium games have new, um, tasks? challenges? activities? you know what i mean. apparently there's a puppet one, where one person is the puppet, and a person stands behind them and sort of forces them to charade something. the marionet doesn't even know the answer, so everyone's confused. wanna play! if ben ever remembered that this is his blog too and that he could sometimes post here, he might tell you about it. i wouldn't hold my breath it i were you. unless something smells bad in your particular vicinity, then it might be a good idea.

yesterday i determined to be better and we went to church and kept our monthly meal/bonding time with cara & dave (yay!). today i'm pretty ok except for the larger-and-stuffier-than-normal head and the occasional hacking sound. i'm trying to be a hands-off nanny today, we'll see how that works out.

in other news, it's freaking COLD and only getting colder this week. i'd like to move now. there was a really think layer of frost on everything this morning - my contactless eyeballs had me wondering if it wasn't snow. i even had to dig out the ice scraper for the car. horrors. and poor lil hayley dog outside all day. at least she has her nifty jacket and can get in her house.

hilarious side note: the wee one has the hiccups and is laughing whilst walking herself around the baby cage holding on to the sides to come n get me. laughing hiccups are awesome.

hmm. what else can i regale you with? ooh! we got our new bed thursday, in time for some nice sickly late sleeping. i can't really overstate the wonderfulnessosity of a really supportive comfy bed after you've been sleeping on one that was neither of those. also, our new bed is flat. flat! whoda thunk? the middle and the sides, all the same height! as much as i enjoy snuggling with the ben, i gotta say that whole sleeping in a pile at some weird angle was really unpleasant.  my 100-year-old spine didn't like it either.

i suppose i should get back to that french book for a bit. i'm taking the class, and so far it's been pretty easy, for two reasons. one, it starts with the assumption that one knows no french, and as it turns out, i actually know quite a bit (who knew?). two, it's designed for non-french majors to learn to READ french, so it's not as bogged down with those endless pesky articles. it just wants me to be able to read french and understand it, not translate english in to french, which is much more of a problem pour moi.

as for my english learnings, well, classes belmont-wide start on wednesday. when they start for me, i don't yet know, which i must admit is making me a lil nervous. hopefully i'll know something today, as all the professors are back, including dr. c, who will hopefully still be down with the idea and stuff. nothing was nailed down before the break because it took so bloody long for dr. dept chair to just meet with me. ug! anyway, i'm trying to maintian that whole, no worries, God's got it under control thing i am sometimes good at, but dagnabit i'm slightly worried. *breathing breathing breathing* zen face. k. so anyway, i am going to end my rambles and read some frenches before the hour of baby food arrives. i don't want her getting all giant and turning green on me. she's much too cute for that.

me: graduation

dr. dc: haha, yes we-

me: and i need to understand what happened with the independent study thing, because i can't. i don't feel like i'm getting any help. quite the opposite, in fact.

dr. dc: right well, how far along in the program are you?

me: i need two more classes

dr. dc: ok, so 24 hours, what have you taken?

me: the required ones: practical literary criticism, brit lit 1 & 2, the 20th century readings class now. and um, nature writing, writing & social issues, creative writing, the life writing now... is that it? yeah.

dr. dc: ok. so you are willing to take the writing class next semester?

me: i'm willing if that's not the only thing i'm taking. reading the description doesnt' enthrall me, and as it is writing and identity and there's bound to be overlap with the life writing class i'm in now. i dont really want to come take just that.

dr. dc: (frowning in that thinking sort of way) the idea of the non-thesis track was to present a broader education for someone who either has no interest in writing a thesis at all or is more interested on doing that kind of writing on the doctoral level. we've never had anyone come in and take all writing classes. I'm really interested to see how your Graduate Exam* turns out.

me: yeah, i wanted to study writing. i'm non-thesis is partly because i went here for undergrad and was in the honors program, so i have written one - it was terrible, but still - but mostly because i wasn't an english major in undergrad, so i wanted to take the two extra classes. gotta love irony.

dr. dc: right. so would it be horrible to take writing class in the spring and then take the creative writing dr. hutchins in the summer? you can take up to six hours of that.

me: (interior monologue: ug! ug ug. ug. why is this so hard? you all have doctorates for crying out loud!) ok. i'm not crazy about the idea of dragging out graduation for months to have my last two classes be one i've taken and one that is eh. especially when i was pretty excited about the prospect of that independent study class. the three of us came up with a class, and had a professor willing to teach it as long as she got paid.

dr. dc: well, there are two reasons we really don't like those and why i usually deny them. one, the teachers don't really get paid, it's not much at all, and a few years ago they had really gotten out of hand, almost every professor had two or three. plus we like to fill classes, and we like to think students learn better from a class environment. basically, there are reasons from a long time ago that have nothing to do with you.

me: exactly. and i'm a nerd, i like going to class, but with the three of us doing it together, we can still have that a little.

dr. dc: (frowning thoughtfully again) what was the class going to be?

me: i'm not 100% sure what dr.c was going to make it, other than something to do with children's lit, folktales and fairy tales, which are things i'm really interested in. when i was first thinking about coming here, i was really excited to learn that there was a graduate class in that kind of stuff, but apparently it's on quite a long cycle and i've missed it. so i was really excited and hopeful about the possibility of still getting to take it. you took my carrot.

dr. dc: well, that does make some difference. i think there are more than enough extenuating circumstances, and you've taken away every good reason i have to say no

me: do you have any mediocre ones, i'll fix those too

dr. dc: (laughing) no, those usually come later. ok, well, really thank you for um, not going away on this, because this is something we were obviously not prepared for with the non-thesis track and certainly need to do some thinking about. i'll need to work this out with dr. head-of-grad-english and decide whether it will be just the three of you or if we'll make it a class open to more students. we'll have to look at dr. c's schedule. but there's no reason something can't work out.

me: really? thank you so much. i guess someone will let me know in time to register?

dr. dc: yeah, there's always registration in january. is there any reason you need to pre-register?

me: well, you have to be pre-registered to apply for the department scholarships, but the deadline's passed, so not really.

dr. dc: well, go ahead and apply, i'll let them know. it's certainly not your fault that you weren't pre-registered.

me: thanks! and thanks again. happy holidays!

dr. dc: thank you. and you, too.

* instead of a thesis, the non-thesis track requires two extra classes and a graduate exam, composed by a commmittee based on everything i've written/the classes i've taken in grad school.