The Frank Funny Farm

my head has been developing and mulling and obsessing over a dueling list as of late. not exactly a pro/con list, more like a want/should or heart/logic list. it's the list of things i want to do, would love to do and perhaps even maybe need to try to do for that whole spiritual-creative-happiness equilibrium thing, but then there's the other list. the list that, well, quite honestly is made of things unappealing, or at least not exciting. but some are sort of unknown, so who knows. but that list is the "should" list: things i know i "should" do once this whole school thing finally leaves me the crap alone (and some before that even). high on it is "just grow up and get a full-time job already, soul-killing or not, you should really make some *%*&$# money already!" i don't wanna work in an office and wear sensible heels, mom! <-- see, whiny. immature. and maybe not so problematic if i were single and not mooching, but i am. so really, there's no other option, regardless of what captain supportive husband says. but sometimes, it just plain sucks. it's frustrating how the want/need/should or whatever lists are so at odds sometimes. but, i suppose that's life and i suppose it makes us work a little harder to figure out how to eventually get them in line. it would just be nice if "eventually" didn't seem so far away. harrumph.i should really add a "whiny" category over there. sheesh.

to come soon, the happy and grateful and yay blog about my birthday weekend and the lovely relaxing Easter ben and i got to have. will have to track down a photo of those ribs...

Tags: heart vs. logic, life in the grown-up lane, want vs. should, whiny whine whine

i should be writing a prospectus for my final paper in my 'life-writing' or whatever it is class. the paper is supposed to be autobiographical, 15-20 pages with a critical preface. great. swell. NO IDEA what to write about. i have a terrible memory it turns out, which is odd, cuz i am a steel trap when it comes to useless info, people i met once 6 years ago or anything else as irrelevent to life. i found this out last semester when one of my assignments was to do a 'memoir' piece, only 5-6 pages. i only remember past events in random scenes, all soft and hazy around the edges like cheezy movie flashbacks. so for that essay, i mined the one memory that i could collect enough wisps of to fill two, maybe two-and-a-half pages. then i sort of cheated and filled in the gaps with the knowledge gained since i was four about that moment.

so obviously this paper will have to be about something pretty current, which is fine because i'm more interested in now than the past anyway. the idea of some sort of daily-ish diary thing bores me to death and i know i wouldn't keep up with it anyway. never have. i just don't find my life that interesting, and certainly not interesting enough to write 15 pages. bleh. if only i could write a fictional autobiography. i mean, people have made millions doing that. sure you get yelled at by oprah, but i ain't scared. blah blah blah.

so anyway, i'm watching the "fresh water" episode of planet earth, which ben decided to watch without me for some reason. so far i've learned that not only are otters adorable, they are badasses. a herd of them chased a very large crocodile out of the water and far far away on the land. they were biting it and jumping at it, being all "yeah, we're cute and 1/15 of your size, four of us could fit in your mouth at once, but you better step off! we'll bite you! we'll point and laugh, don't make us call you alligator!" otters is cool. and then it cuts to another water hole where a croc just grabbed a water buffalo and spent an hour drowning it. water buffalo, sure. otters, no chance. some days i think i am a crocodile with nothing but otters in sight. sigh.

have i mentioned that i'm so over this being sick thing? this is ridiculous. and it sucks. and i don't have time for it right now. maybe it could come back between dec. 16 and early january if it must? but seriously it's been a week now, what the hell man. i feels like poo and i sleep entirely too much. i had a presentation in class last night and putting that thing together was just stupid. it probably took two days longer than it should have. reading with the giant stuffy, stupid achy cold head would probably be just as easy if it were in japanese. in the end though i feel like at least the info and brilliant thoughts i had compiled onto me lil handout were good, because the professor didn't take issue with anything or really add anything. i sounded like a babbling idiot i'm sure, but that's not that unusual anyway. yes, like now, smartass reader person.

just for that, the babble continues. i ventured to the chiropractorman this morning which was much needed since i hadn't been since last tuesday. i normally go on fridays as well, but he closes at noon and i was not yet awake at that hour, so no cracking for me. anyway, i was in the back laying on the table whilst waiting for him to finish up the lady he'd been working on before me. i'd heard her ask him if he could feel where it was broken and saying something about it grinding and crunching when someone rubbed her back. the words 'lacerated liver' come up, then 'crushed esophagus.' by this point they were up at the desk, where i could see them. this lady looks fine, is wearing boots with heels even. the only evidence i could see of any sort of injury were two broken fingers. i'm thinking "what in the world happened to this woman and why is she bouncing around in normal clothes and heels?" they leave, the doc comes over and says, "that lady was trampled by a bull. like trampled (he makes arm motions to indicate repeated stomping), like the bull was trying to kill her!" i said something to the effect of "holy crap! awesome!" and he says, "i know, it's really interesting, i can't wait till she brings in her scans!" that is why we like him.

ok. back to figuring out what to autobiograph. wonder if i could get away with writing hayley's autobiography? i don't even think i'm going to class, but i still have to turn something in. curse you, al gore for inventing the internets that led to the emails that lead to the having to turn things in whether you show up or not. plbt!

Tags: bull trampling, i'm still freaking sick, otters!, school

many of you are familiar with my excellent skills of indecision. i must admit, i'm quite impressive with my ability to reason myself completely into one way, then saying, but... and reasoning totally into the other way. then that 'but' reoccurs and well, it can go on for days. i mean, seriously, i have trouble figuring out what to eat most of the time. that however, is usually resolved pretty quickly as hunger and other people factor heavily. and i suppose on the big things - the really really big things - i'm pretty quick (some people might say alarmingly quick) to decide what's right for me and i say 'that's it' and that is it. those, however, i attribute more to God saying, this way, dummy and me being smart enough to say ok instead of really? but why? i thought...  it's the smaller stuff i have trouble with.

at this moment, my most troublesome batch of waffles are french. part of the requirement for my degree is to have an intermediate level knowledge of a foreign language - french for me because that's what i took in high school. there are basically two ways to do this: study yourself and then go sit in dr. paine's office for two hours and translate some passages from french to english. i did this last week just to gage how far i have to go. i didn't expect it to be easy, dr. paine doesn't play around, which is awesome. so i wasn't expecting the little prince or anything, but man. simone de beauvoir. and like three sentence snippets, so context clues are basically impossible. anyway, back to the waffling. the other way of fulfilling the requirement is to take a class:  either an undergrad 202 class or there are some classes focused exactly on french for graduate english humanities majors. there was an online class that several people used, that the head of the dept. had told me about last year. it's an at-your-own pace sort of thing, you have a year to complete it and it was around $300-400. when i went hunting for this class this summer to check it out, i couldn't find it. fine, i had my little book and was planning to resurrect what i knew and add to it over the summer and theoretically knock the translation out before the fall semester started or at least by fall break (last week). except i worked all summer and i took a class that was sometimes a good bit of work and then there was the great gallbladder revolt of '08 and then i just needed a break for a minute man. and then fall classes started and i have an internship and i'm still working two days a week and i freak out about my parents with some frequency. so as we all know, i cannot read french yet.

so here's the thing: dr. paine located another online reading french class that will work. the class would be a little less stressful i think, because of the structure. do this lesson, send it in. continue till all lessons are done. then there's a final translation which has to be done while someone babysits me. i looked at the overview thing, the first half is grammar and all that, then it goes to "writing lessons." i'm not sure what those are, but for almost all of what's listed for the first half, i'm at least familiar with if not confident in it. that might not be so bad, let me coast a bit and refresh and perhaps better synthesize some things. but (you've been waiting for that, i know) this class costs $1000. yeah. and while they send me way more in student loans than i actually need, so this money would get paid back off our credit card, it's still more debt. and that's a lot of money.

so do i just keep plugging with my book and probably another one i'll buy to augment it and get a different take on things? hope i find enough time when i remember / have the mental energy and capacity and hope i can produce a reasonable translation? but then there's the what if i can't by the end of this semester and then it's hanging over my head next semester which should be my last semester but won't be if i haven't fulfilled that blasted language requirement? ack, i say. ack.

yes, i know i'm ridiculous, but i can't hear you because i'm trying to decide if i should shower before i go to the chiropractor or just throw a hat on because it the outside remains inviting then i'll be reading out there this afternoon which will render me all stinky again.

Tags: french, i'm an idiot, school